But his most intriguing unmade film was a biopic of Honoré de Balzac, one of his favorite writers. Renowned tough-guy raconteur and idiosyncratic filmmaker Fuller left several unproduced screenplays in his wake, including Cain and Abel, The Charge at San Juan Hill, a sci-fi take on Lysistrata called Flowers of Evil, and a Vietnam protest picture called The Rifle. Brando, unsurprisingly, passed on the script, calling it “completely hollow.”
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Harry Dean Stanton was to play one of the men Lynch got the wild idea of trying to cast Marlon Brando in one of the other roles, so Stanton made the introduction. It was the story of three men who used to be cows. Lynch wrote Dream of the Bovine, which he described as a “a really bad, stupid and repulsing comedy, but I found the whole thing just fantastic,” with Engels in 1993. Lynch reportedly had Steve Martin and Martin Short in mind for two of the key roles, which would have been… interesting? It was the story of a government project that goes amok, causing the switching of identities in the small town of Newtonville, Kansas. Lynch and Frost wrote One Saliva Bubble in the late 1980s, about a year before collaborating on the script that would become Twin Peaks. There are nearly as many unrealized Lynch movies as Welles movies these are but two of the most intriguing, both apparently intended as broad comedies. One Saliva Bubble, by David Lynch and Mark Frost/ The Dream of the Bovine, by David Lynch and Robert Engels But when both actors passed on the project, the script stalled and Welles moved on. He wrote a script dramatizing the wild love affair of Italian actress Eleonora Duse and writer Gabriele D’Annunzio as a vehicle for, respectively, Greta Garbo and Charles Chaplin. No beloved filmmaker left more incomplete film projects than Orson Welles, but this 1952 project never made it past the screenplay stage. The Loves of d’Annunzio and Duse, by Orson Welles
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McMurtry then used the title (taken from the old cowboy ballad) for his Lonesome Dove sequel.
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McMurtry ended up adapting the script into his bestselling novel and TV mini-series Lonesome Dove, with Tommy Lee Jones in the John Wayne role, Robert Duvall in the Stewart part, and Robert Urich filling Fonda’s shoes. But all three of the legendary actors passed, dismissing the idea of closing the curtain on the form. While helming the documentary Directed by John Ford, Bogdanovich got the idea of teaming up John Wayne, Henry Fonda, and James Stewart to create an all-star send-off to the Western, and he collaborated with Larry McMurtry - with whom he’d just worked on The Last Picture Show - to write a screenplay. The Streets of Laredo, by Larry McMurtry and Peter Bogdanovich (Surprise - Gawker won!) But Tarantino’s unproduced script is in good company here are a few other famous abandoned screenplays we’d love to have seen. That celebration ended earlier this week, when Tarantino discovered that the script had been leaked - apparently by someone connected with either Dern, Michael Madsen, or Tim Roth (anyone who’s seen Reservoir Dogs knows you can’t trust Roth) - and pulled the plug on the entire project, leaving various sites to see who could collect pageviews by distributing a stolen screenplay first. A couple of weeks back, word broke that Quentin Tarantino had finished a new screenplay called The Hateful Eight, described as a Western with plum roles for recent Best Actor nominee (and Django Unchained bit player) Bruce Dern and Tarantino fave Christoph Waltz, and there was much rejoicing.
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Hollywood, this is why you can’t have nice things.